Drunk drive checkpoint At a sobriety check, an officer administers a breathalyser test. He blows, and it shows positive. He proclaims, there is a baby in the car, and he would never drink and that the breathalyser must be broken. He gets the cop to give it to his kid in the back seat. The kid comes up positive, and the police man embarrassed lets them go. As they get through the sobriety check, he looks over at his wife, ""And you tried to tell me not to give alcohol to the kid....

Spaghetti! A doctor had a fling with his nurse. A few months later she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse some money and told her to go to Italy and have the baby there. ''How will I let you know the baby is born?'', she asked. '' Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back....I'll take care of expenses''.Not knowing what else to do the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months later the doctors wife phoned her husband and explained …

Three builders are sitting on top of a building... ...when they decide to have lunch. The first builder grabs his lunch box. ""Every day for lunch my wife packs me an apple and I HATE apples. If I get another apple today, I'll jump."" He opens up his lunch box and sure enough, inside is an apple. He grabs the apple, throws it as hard as he can and jumps. The second builder says ""Every day for lunch my wife packs me an orange and I HATE oranges. If I get another orange today, I'll jump."" Opens …

It's not just the way you tell em: researchers find the official 50 funniest jokes of all time 6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 5. I said to the Gym instructor ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays"" 4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and…