While Twitter is the slutty wife we all share, Facebook has become the humorless mother-in-law we all endure.

If you're new to Twitter from Facebook, you can just reply "Like" to all of my tweets. I'll understand

If Twitter is a rave then Facebook is a Tupperware party.

I wish you'd told me you were happy just flirting on twitter. I've already bought plane tickets and murdered my wife.