An elderly woman went into her back yard to garden one afternoon when she noticed a large gorilla in a tree... In a state of panic she ran inside and opened up the phone book and went to G's. Sure enough, she found gorilla extraction. When the extractor showed up, he went into the back yard and saw the gorilla, eyeing them both out of suspicion. The extractor went back to his truck and pulled a vicious pitbull out that had a muzzle on it, a shot gun, and a ladder. He tied the pitbull up to the t…

Some Jokes I Made Up * What do you call a monkey in a circus? Banana split! * David had 50 chocolate bars. He eats 40 of them. What does David have now? Diabetus. David has diabetus. * I am offended by all the German jokes on the internet. My great grandfather died, falling off a guard tower. * What's black and white and red all over? A penguin in a revolving door!

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up onhis tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, ""I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."" The old farmer replied. ""This is my property, and you are not coming over here."" The indignant lawyer said, ""I am one of the best t…

Fish out of water. I was on the phone to my Grandma the other day and we were discussing how my Grandpa was getting on in the nursing home. I said, "How is he coping, getting on all right?". She replied, "Oh, no, he's like a fish out of water..." So I said, "Aww is he finding it quite hard to adjust?" She replied, "No, he's dead."