*showing mom how to use her phone* What's the blue button with the bird? THAT BUTTON GIVES YOUR BANK INFO TO TERRORISTS NEVER TOUCH IT!!!!

KIDNAPPER: [on phone] I'm holding your son for ransom. DAD: I have no money, what's the ransom? KIDNAPPER: Bring me one rich kid.

An oldie I heard in elementary school Little Johnny has just started kindergarten and doesn't know the alphabet. As things usually happen, the teacher asks Johnny to recite the alphabet. He tells her that he does not know the alphabet, so she tells him to go home and ask his parents to help him learn it. After school, he runs up the driveway and into the kitchen, where his mom is on the phone with a friend. As he runs in, he yells out ""MOM, WHAT'S THE ALPHABET?"" Being the wonderful mother that…

Peaty the Hilarious Clown A kid is deathly afraid of clowns. So for his birthday his parents hire ""Peaty the Hilarious"" a clown with amazing reviews on the internet to come perform for his birthday party. His parents hope that having an enjoyable clown will help him get over his fear of clowns. Peaty the Hilarious arrives 10 minutes late to a bunch of whiny kids and parents, gets out of his hilariously small car, marches right up to the birthday boy then growls at him and punches him in the fa…