*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.

It's a bitch After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home. He gave his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, …

Wishes A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out. ""Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."" ""But I hate my husband,"" the woman protested. ""He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."" …

Jack A husband rushes into the emergency room from work to greet his wife who is giving birth to their first born. He helps all he can; he holds his wife's hand and breathes with her through the pain. The doctor claims to see the head. The husband runs around and watches as this bloody, mess of a human being comes out... However, the doctor pulls out a head. Just a head. The husband jumps in confusion. The wife is silent in shock. The doctor has never seen anything like it. Just when the married…