The Genie and the Demon Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges. ""You have freed me from my near-eternal captivity!"" the genie booms. ""As my rescuers, you are entitled to one wish each."" The first man excitedly blurts out, ""I wish for a billion--"" ""Now hold on just a minute!"" the genie …

During a war, three soldiers are captured while fighting abroad... The captors have all three soldiers lined up in front of them, and the captors' leader stepped forward, holding a pistol with one hand while the other hand lays on a Bible on the table next to him. ""Before I execute all of you, I shall allow each of you to make one and only one last request. You cannot change it."" Glancing at the Bible, he swore, ""I swear by the name of Lord that your request shall be fulfilled, for we are hon…

Calculus Joke Courtesy of my math professor: Two mathematicians go to a bar after a rigorous day of number crunching. After a few drinks, the first mathematician begins to lament the current state of the general public's mathematical knowledge. ""People just don't know their calculus anymore!"" ""I don't think that's true,"" replies the second, "" I bet they know more than you think"". ""Let's make it a real bet then,"" says the first, "" I'll bet you $100.00 that if I ask *her* a simple questio…

Three German artillerymen were on probation for lackluster performance. To secure continued enlistment in the military, they had to take a test that involved firing an egg out of a cannon, towards their commanding officer. They needed to use the smallest angle necessary to fire the egg in a way that didn't hit their CO. The first man fired too low and hit the CO with an egg. The CO pointed at the man and laughed, calling him a failure. The second man fired a little higher, but also hit the CO, c…