Two friends are drinking in a bar... Before they know it, the night has passed into the wee hours of the morning. The first man turns to the second and says ""I'll be in trouble when I get home to the wife again. Every time I'm home late I get a taxi to a few doors down, creep round to the back door, take my shoes off, tip toe up the stars and sneak into bed without a sound. She always wakes up and gives me a good shouting."" ""Try what I do,"" says the second man. ""I drive across the lawn, sla…

A man walks into a bar... Sits down and orders a drink. The bar is empty except for a nonchalant bartender wiping glasses down and a man focused on his drink at the bar and, amazingly, on the bar next to him is a tiny man tinkling away at a tiny piano. He looks at the gentleman siting closest to the tiny piano player and asks, ""is that yours?"" The man looks up and with a sigh replies, ""Yes, it is."" The first man, awed at the small miracle says, ""That's amazing! Where did you get such a thin…

A man goes into a bar with his dog and asks for a drink. The bartender says, ""You can't bring that dog in here!"" The man, without missing a beat, says, ""This is my seeing eye dog."" ""Oh man, I'm sorry,"" the bartender says, ""I didn't realize you were blind. Here, the first drink's on me."" The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first man sees him, stops him and says, ""They don't allow dogs in here, so you won't get a dr…

Three men walk into a party. The first man beelines toward a table with a bowl of punch. The second man closely follows. A few people are ahead of them so while they wait the first man turns to the second man and asks: ""Have you ever heard the one about the garden gnome?"" The second man replies ""No, not that I can recall..."" The first man begins ""Well you see, a garden gnome, a snake, and a raven walk into a bar."" The second man interrupts ""Snakes don't walk! They slither."" The first man…