A guy walks into a bar carrying a briefcase. He pulls up a stool at the bar and orders a drink. He opens his briefcase and a tiny little man about a foot tall climbs out, hauls out a tiny little piano behind him, sits down on a little stool and commences playing a flawless Chopin etude. All this time the guy down the bar is staring in amazement, jaw dropping. ""Where did you get that little guy?"" he asks the first guy. ""Well, I was out walking on the beach and found this lamp,"" he says, hauling an antique brass lamp out of the briefcase. ""There's a genie in here that will grant any wish you have."" ""Can I try it?"" asks the second guy eagerly. ""Sure,"" says the first guy. The second guy reaches over, grabs the lamp, gives it a quick rub, and out floats a bearded genie in a turban, who immediately says, ""YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND."" The second guy immediately says, ""I want a million bucks!"" In the blink of an eye the entire bar is filled with a huge flock of ducks, quacking and shitting and squabbling with each other all over the place. ""I said a million *BUCKS,* not a million *DUCKS*!"" he exclaims. ""Yeah, I know,"" says the first guy. ""That genie is a little hard of hearing. You don't think I actually asked for a 12-inch pianist, do you?""