Both of them? Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, ""Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs an get me slippers?"" ""No bother,"" he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds. ""Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."" ""Fook off you liar!"". ""I'll prove it,"" Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, ""Both of them, Paddy?"" ""Of course, what's the use of fookin'…

Paddy And Murphy Are In The Pub Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Paddy says, ""Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?"" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, ""That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!""

Paddy and Michael are out walking when Paddy falls down a well.... Michael shouts down ""Paddy! have you broken anything???"" Paddy replies ""No! there's nothing down here to break!""

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's football victory. Mick, the bartender, says ""You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy"" Paddy replies ""OK Mick, I'll be on me way then."" Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. ""Shoite"" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. ""Shoite, Shoite!"" He looks to the doorway…