"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.

have u ever just taken your goth girlfriend out on a date but it gets dark out and you lose her in the parking lot

My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole