Why did the whale have to go see his doctor? His diet was krill-in him.

I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.

PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"

"I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish." - People who don't get how definitions work.