Two of my favorite dad jokes. 1) While passing a cemetery turn to whoever you are with and say "" Did you know everyone is just dying to get in there?"" 2) What does a 20 pound canary sounds like? (in a very deep loud voice say) CHIRP!

The Dad joke pay-off [not actually a joke, sorry] Dad, a little after lunchtime: ""Are you hungry?"" Son: ""No."" D. ""Really? You've hardly had anything to eat all day."" S. ""Okay, really I am, but I don't want to say it because then you'll do that joke again."" Son hates joke so much he would rather go hungry than risk hearing it one more time. Now my legacy is in place, I may die a happy man.

Cemetery help. My wife & I recently bought a house. To get pretty much anywhere, the main road from our neighborhood goes through a giant cemetery. Now, a week before we bought the house, - on Thanksgiving morning - my wife gave birth to our first child - a boy (side note, I wouldn't recommend having a baby & buying a house in the same week if you value your sanity). Every time we're in the car together and drive through the cemetery, I now feel the awesome responsibility of fatherhood a…

I made up a shit 'Dad Joke' I was talking to my friend the other day, he's a lawyer and was complaining about the current trial he was involved in. Me: ""What is it about?"" Lawyer: ""The accused used a leather satchel to beat another man to death"" Me: ""Oh, do you expect it to go on much longer?"" Lawyer: ""No, it's a brief case"" *Sting/Rimshot*