Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.

I can't believe other countries are allowed to celebrate the New Year before America. Some superpower we turned out to be.

Happy New year America! from your friend Australia. Don't worry I expect it'll take about 18 or so hours for you to get this.

So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon... Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. ""Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easter?"" ""Oh that's easy!"" The first blonde steps forward ""It's that holiday when the Pilgrims came to America and we celebrate all of our b…