Doctor: Describe your headache. Me: She's about 5'8", blonde, and the mother of my children.

What did a blonde's mother tell her blonde daughter? If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman? A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.