This guy Bob says to his friend at dinner, I know more people than you would believe... Bono happened to be in the bar so Bob excuses himself and meets Bono in the restroom and asks a favor of him to come by the table and pretend he knows him because it would mean alot to his son. Sure enough Bono comes over and says ""hi Bob"" to the astonishment of his friend. Next week they're eating at the same joint and Tony Bennett is singing, and once again he corners Tony in the restroom. Sure enough lat…

A man entered into a bar He asked for cornflakes: ""Hello, I would like some cornflakes."" ""We don't have cornflakes."" ""But I want cornflakes."" ""Sir, we don't have cornflakes."" ""I thought this was a breakfast cafe?"" ""Yes it is, sir, but we don't have any cornflakes left."" ""How come is that?"" ""Somebody has bought the last cornflakes this afternoon."" ""Who?"" ""This girl over there."" So Tony went to the girl's house and asked for cornflakes. ""Hello, I would like some cornflakes."" …

Two buddies, Tony and Steve, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Steve throws up all over himself. ""Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"" Tony says, ""Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."" So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Steve rolls into home and his Jane starts to give him a bad time. ""You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over…

Caught in the Act! Tony sits down at the bar, orders a drink and holds his head in his hands. When the bartender comes back, Tony is swearing softly under his breath and shaking his head. "Hey Tony, what's happening?" asks the bartender. "I'm in DEEP SHIT," Tony replies. "I just got caught screwing my neighbour." "Oh wow!" says the barman, "Who caught you? Your wife?" "No," said Tony, "HIS wife!"