Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.

Genie: "You have 3 wishes." Ian: "I wish for everyone to be equal." Genie: "Okay. You have no wishes."

Ian: "I'd like to report my guide dog missing." Cop: "Right. When did you last see him?" Ian: "I've never seen him."

"There is no GREG in 'team.' " - super mean way to cut Greg from junior varsity.