No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.

I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back.

VERY angry at @united flight attendant who REFUSED to let me ride as a lap baby

Eating a meal on an airplane makes me feel like a Tyrannosaurus rex who has to operate on a baby.