I just switched my phone to airplane mode and a small child appeared and started kicking me in the back.

VERY angry at @united flight attendant who REFUSED to let me ride as a lap baby

Eating a meal on an airplane makes me feel like a Tyrannosaurus rex who has to operate on a baby.

People on a plane Bill Gates, Tony Blair, an old man and a schoolchild are on a plane, when the pilot bursts out of the cabin ""The plane is about to crash, and there are only four parachutes. And one of them is mine!"" The pilot jumps out of the plane with the parachute Tony Blair stands up, grabs a parachute and says ""I was Prime Minister of the UK, I deserve to live!"" He jumps out of the plane Bill Gates stands up and says ""I am the smartest man alive, I should survive"" He grabs a parachu…