Guinea pigs aren't real pets. You buy them when your kids are begging for a dog, but you want to make them sad instead.

What do you call an anorexic Guinea pig? A skinny pig.

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.