An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man are on a plane that is about to crash... And the pilot comes over the intercom saying if they want any chance of living they better chuck as much excess weight off the plane to help with the emergency landing. The English man picks up his prize collection of rare novels and with a heavy heart chucks it out the plane. The Scotsman chucks out his set of weights thinking how much those things cost to replace. The Irishman looks a bit uncomfortable and admi…

There was a loud hammering on the door of heaven. St. Peter appeared and said, ""I say, that's a tremendous racket. Who is making all the fuss?"" The shabby man standing there said, ""I'm Paddy McGinnis and I'm strong with the IRA these thirty years."" St. Peter said, ""I'm sorry, Mr. McGinnis, but we have no record of you. You can't come in."" ""And who is saying anything about coming in?"" said Paddy. ""I'm here a-tellin' you, you've got fifteen minutes to evacuate the place!""

So I was on my way to the ATM machine and I realized I had forgotten my PIN number... I panicked, but then I realized that it's not worth worrying about. Life is too short. We could get hit by an ICBM missile tomorrow or find out that I've tested positive for the HIV virus. So instead I got some KFC chicken, listened to some NPR radio on the way home, then read some DC comics. But then I got an alert on my LCD display: ""Are you putting enough in your IRA account?"" What was I doing? I'm no geni…

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside when he comes to a petrol station since he's in need of petrol the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station ""Fill it up will you?"". The man says ""Sorry - we're right out of petrol."" So the man considers and says ""Well I'm a bit low on oil would you mind topping that up?"" And the attendant responds""Sorry but no oil either."" The man thinks and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen to which he gets the by-now predictabl…