A man gets pulled over for running a stop sign in the middle of the night. Officer says ""Evening sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?"" Man says ""Yeah I guess I kind of rolled through that stop sign. It's late and there's no traffic so I just slowed down instead of stopping. No big deal right?"" Officer thinks for a moment and then begins punching the man repeatedly in the face. Man screams ""What the hell is wrong with you."" Officer replies ""So, do you want me to stop or slow down!?""

SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Feeling sick at work. Subway to the bus-$5 Bus to commuter lot-$2 Puking in my car-$0 Guy in the car next to me puking in response-priceless