I like giving names to my furniture Right now i'm chillin' with Oscar the Couch

Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"

leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles

Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day.