Old man Finklestein is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer a month ago, and had told no one but his dear wife, Sadie. It is a week before the doctors told him he would kick the bucket, and he had straightened out his will and finances, so he decided to tell his best friend, Mr. Ginsberg. When Mr. Ginsberg received the news, he was shocked. ""Jake,"" he says. ""You always seemed so healthy! Oy vey! Why do bad things happen to good people!"" ""I don't know, Moishe, but I have everything in order f…

I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive.

[wife gets in the car after talking with the priest] "What did the priest have to say?" "He said you have to stop rapping over the choir."

ANIMAL CONTROL: what the hell were you thinking ME: releasing birds at a wedding is romantic ANIMAL CONTROL: you released ostriches