Careful what you wish for! I don’t think I ever got over my grandmother’s death when I was a kid. My grandmother died from a heart attack during my ninth birthday party. Literally while she was eating cake. And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit. I mean, I still have birthday parties. But now I’m just careful what I wish for. —Anthony Jeselnik

My grandma sent the entire newspaper to me in the subject line of an email.

[family game night] Me: do u understand now, grandma? U understand the rules now? Mum [tappin my shoulder]: she gets it. Loosen the headlock

Fun Fact: I love it when Americans whose Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather emigrated from Ireland say "I'm Irish". No.