Two old jokes my dad told me These are two jokes my dad used to tell me when I was a kid. ___________________ Unfortunately, a man fell out of an airplane. Fortunately, there was a haystack below him. Unfortunately, there was a pitchfork in the haystack. Fortunately, he missed the pitchfork. Unfortunately he missed the haystack. __________________ A sailor comes up to his ship's captain, gasping for breath, trying to choke something out. After a minute of exasperated gasping, the captain finally says, ""Spit it out lad!"" And the sailor starts singing, ""Oh the admiral's fallen overboard and now he's half a mile behind""