Two Hunters A classic... Two hunters are out shooting turkey. One of them takes a leak, and gets bitten by a big black rattlesnake. The other hunter shoots the snake, but is too late: his friend got deeply bit on his wiener. So, he calls 911 and proceeds to explain the situation: ""my friend got bit by a rattlesnake, blablabla, what should I do?"" - Relax, sir. We're sending a helicopter right away. In the meantime, we need you to suck on the bite so as to take the venom out. It's the only way t…

After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey... ...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.

We went shopping for a turkey to cook for Thanksgiving. We're expecting 20 people at our house and my husband wanted to find the perfect turkey for the smoker. After picking through the stock at the grocery store he can't find one he wants. He says, ""Don't these get any bigger?"" I replied. ""No, honey. They're already dead.""

Jokes of the day!! 1. A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, ""If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment."" The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the ma…