[5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"

Sold my wife on ebay. Dreading the buyer feedback.

Dad, i am going to marry Daughter: ""Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK . We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessings and good wishes."" Father: ""Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with you…

A friend walks into old Jacks house.. Jacks wife is throwing the plates, wrecking the house and yelling for divorce. ""What Happened?"" asks his friend. ""Nothing much"" says old Jack. ""She got all dressed up today and asked me to click her picture and post it on Facebook, I couldn't find my glasses, she couldn't wait for the likes and It went up ebay instead!""