Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

COP: The killer wrote a message on the victim's mirror ME: You can't prove it was me COP: It was written in Dorito dust ME: I want a lawyer

*cops finds my loose floorboard* Cop: What's under here... *they discover a lifetime supply of hot pockets* Me: I'd like my lawyer now.

Cop: You were speeding. Me: Objection your honor. Cop: I'm not a judge. Me: Permission to approach the bench. Cop: What? Me: Sustained.