A doctor on his morning walk noticed an old lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar A doctor on his morning walk noticed an old lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar So he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?" "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said. '"Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, g…

[first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"

My doctor had a plate of McDonalds food that was a year old to show people that it never rots. The burger was dry but the fries were decent.

DOCTOR: You should lose some weight ME: Ok I'll consider it VET: Your dog should lose some weight ME: Hey bud, you're going on a diet!