The only joke I can ever remember. There's a mental hospital and every weekend the patients are allowed to go home and visit their families if they are able to properly answer a question by the gate steward at the gate. One day, a man approaches the gate steward with a carrot on a piece of string. ""Morning Harvey, are you ready to go home? Just gotta answer one question"". Harvey dangles his carrot on the piece of string happily: ""Ask away."" ""What have you got there in your hand?"" Harvey ho…

Horse problems A classic I first heard from my grandpa. Rufus and Ludgate, a couple of rather rural neighbors, each decided to buy a horse one summer. Since they were neighbors, they decided it made sense to pasture the horses together in the same field. Before turning them loose, they talked about how to tell them apart. After endless ideas, Rufus finally said to Ludgate, ""Well, why don't I cut the mane short on mine, and you cut the tail short on yours?"" This seemed like the perfect solution…

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG NAME_________________________ 1) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold? 2) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus' $800 per day crack habit? 3) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make…

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sun-up, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other ""Rufus!!"" Clarence would shout. ""You better thank yor lucky stars I cain't swim...er I'd swim this river and whup your butt!!"" ""Clarence!!!"" Rufus would holler back. ""You better thank YOUR lucky stars that I…