Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock and not a bomb, what time is it? Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit.

I was actually president of the anti-voting club in high school ... I never got re-elected

A rapist, a con-artist and a fascist walk into a bar... The bartender says 'What'll it be Mr President?'

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes? Mr. President.