During a war, three soldiers are captured while fighting abroad... The captors have all three soldiers lined up in front of them, and the captors' leader stepped forward, holding a pistol with one hand while the other hand lays on a Bible on the table next to him. ""Before I execute all of you, I shall allow each of you to make one and only one last request. You cannot change it."" Glancing at the Bible, he swore, ""I swear by the name of Lord that your request shall be fulfilled, for we are hon…

Life's Demerit System All married men will attest to some real wisdom in this message. In the world of romance, one single rule applies: MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY! Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed. (+1) You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (…

A man's wife goes scuba diving and doesn't return... The police show up the next day and inform the man, "Sir, we have bad news, good news, and even better news." The husband says "Okay, well give me the bad news first." "Well sir, we are sorry to say that your wife has drowned. She is dead, I'm terribly sorry." "Oh no... wait, what's the good news?" "Well sir, we pulled her body out of the water and there were three lobsters attached to the body!" "THATS THE GOOD NEWS!? WHAT THE HELL IS …

*sees cars lined up outside church* wife: Is that a funeral or a wedding? me: What's the difference?