A cop pulls over a man for speeding... ""Sir."" He begins. ""You were recorded going 100 miles an hour, can you tell me why?"" ""Well officer."" The man says. ""Yesterday my wife ran away with a cop."" The cop is confused. ""What's that got to do with anything."" ""I thought you were him trying to give her back.""

A cop is driving out on patrol one night. When he sees a car whipping past at high speeds. He turns on his lights and sirens and pulls them over. He gets out and sees this little old lady in the driver's side, she rolls down her window and says "Is there a problem officer?" The policeman says, "Ma'am are you aware you were going almost 25 miles per hour over the speed limit?" "Oh, everything is fine officer, I didn't think I was going THAT fast, I mean I guess was going just a little over the…

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?