Jim: You have a Fantasy Football team? Me: Guys aren't my thing. But, Tom Brady's kinda cute. Jim: No, I- Me: Ooh! Cam Newton's dreamy, too!

Installing a Husband. **INSTALLING A HUSBAND** Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. ... In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversatio…

There was a fire There was a woman in a burning building about 5 stories up, and along comes a firefighter. He wasn't your ordinary firefighter, he was a pro football player. So, this woman is holding her baby out the window when the firefighter yells to her "" Mam, for the sake of your baby throw him to me."". The woman replies ""No! You'll drop him!"". The man, wanting to save the child, tells the woman this, "" I played little league football and never dropped a pass! I played 4 years of high…

If Adrian Peterson is banned from the NFL, he can always try baseball. Who doesn't need a switch hitter?!