If I learned anything from Peter Pan, it's that I can leave my dog to watch my kids while I go out and party.

Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.

Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster.

And the Lord said to Peter "come forth and you will receive eternal life". But Peter came fifth and won a toaster.