A Crow walks into a bar... looking like he is in a good mood. The bartender says ""hey buddy, the boss still giving you a hard time or did he give you that vacation?"" The crow replies, ""let's just say I finally figured out how to get away with a murder.""

The Goat and The Horse There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat. One day, the horse became ill and he called the veterinarian, who said: Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him down. Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, they gave him the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said: Be strong, my friend. Get up or e…

Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out

*Sees dead cat on the road. Walk it off buddy, you got 8 more.