A woman walks into a bar... She sits down and orders a drink. ""Just give me anything,"" she says. A female bartender, new on the job, notices the woman applying a thin layer of lipstick with trembling hands. ""Are you... okay?"" ""What this? This ain't anything new."" She pauses. ""It's the crime. This town seems overrun by it. Every day there is a new bad guy and who do they call to straighten things out?"" ""The police?"" asks the bartender innocently. ""Try again."" The patron takes out her …

The Lama Joke There was a farmer, called Billy. Billy was a simple man, who never really cared much for farming as a child, but when his dad died he enherited the farm, and as he got older, the more he enjoyed it. For a vast majority of years he was a vegetable farmer, farming vegetables such as carrots and cabbages, potatoes and leeks. This was nice simple farming, no hassle. But as time went on and he reached his late 50s, he wanted more from farming, and decided that he wanted to rear some an…

4 guys are on the golf course... One of the guys gets a phone call so he turns around and takes his call. Meanwhile the other 3 guys start talking about how successful their sons are. The first guy says, ""My son is so successful. He started out as a car salesman and he was so good at it he made enough money to open up his own dealership. Now he owns 4 car dealerships. In fact, he's making so much money that last year he bought his girlfriend a brand new car."" The 2nd guy says, ""Well that's no…

Working Redditors: What is your favorite joke about your own profession? Retired U.S. Air Force here and this is my favorite military joke: The biggest difference between the branches of the U.S. Armed Forces is that if you give the order to **""Secure that building!""** * The Army will kick the doors down, enter with weapons drawn, eliminate all hostiles and secure the hostages. * The Marines will erect a razor-wire perimiter, establish patrols and deny access to unauthorized personnel. * The N…