I think my first girlfriend broke up with me because anytime she called me crying I'd say, "What's the matter? You sound really fat."

Ever since my son got his first girlfriend, I've been changing the bed sheets much more often. Whenever I imagine him knocking her up, I shit myself.

You know, after all these years, I hardly remember the first girlfriend I had. I remember she was Muslim, but physically, all I can recall are the beautiful hazel eyes Jihad.

I just bought my first girlfriend online I got her off E-Bae