So a horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender asks, ""Hey buddy, why the long face?"" The horse looks up and responds, ""I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts.""

A drunk walks into a bar... A drunk walks into a bar carrying a shoebox and says ""Hey bartender, if I show you something amazing, will you give me a free drink?"" Bartender shrugs, and says ""Well, it'd have to be something pretty amazing. Let's have it."" Guy pulls a rat and a tiny piano out of the shoebox and sets them both on the bar. The rat immediately starts playing the most amazing ragtime piano the bartender has ever heard. ""Wow, that's amazing! Here's your free drink!"" The bartender …

A man and his buddy walk out of a bar and see a dog licking himself... One looks to the other and says, ""I wish I could do that!"". His buddy looks at him and says, ""He would probably bite you"".

A guy in a bar is so drunk he can hardly stay on the stool. The bartender says, ""Hey pal, I think you had enough, I'm shutting you off."" ""What for,"" says the guy. ""Because you're drunk,"" the bartender replies. ""I ain't drunk & I'll prove it,"" the lush says. ""See that cat coming in the door, he only has one eye."" The bartender says, ""Wow buddy, you're more plastered than I thought. That cat ain't coming in, he's going out!""