I think I CAN wander the restaurant with my robe open and eat off of your plate, sir. This is Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family.

[walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again

Space Bar and the Robot A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, ""Sir, what will you have?"" The man thought a moment then replied? ""A martini please."" The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, ""Sir, what is your IQ?"" The man answered ""Oh, about 164."" The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', in…

Wife from hell. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "" I clocked you at 80 kilometers per hour, sir. This is a 60KPH zone!"" The driver says, ""Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ""Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please keep yo…