A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says ""I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."" 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. ""We can't stand the sight of each other any longer"" the father says. ""We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her."" Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the p…

Sarcasm Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm. ""It was weird"" Fullmer said. ""I was in London and like, talking to this guy and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, ""Great weather eh?"" and I thought - ""Wait a minute, no way is it great weather"". Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate. Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use sarcasm himse…

While on vacation the desk clerk at the London hotel told me I'd only get the key to my room if I presented him with 250 pounds... ... so I introduced him to my wife.

Two beggars in London Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London ... Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects 2 to 3 every day. Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of 10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Habib asks Ali :- 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of 10 notes every day?' Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have …