Two Irish men are digging a ditch. Two irish men are digging a ditch while a third British man keeps watch on their progress. One Irish man asks t'other ""why is it that we have to be down here in this mud while the Brit sits up there on his lazy arse."" The second Irish man, indignant at this sudden revelation, stomps up to the man on the stool and asks ""Why is it were down there and you're up here?"" The British man calmly folds his newspaper, looks up and says ""I will show you."" He puts hi…

An Irishman walked down an alley in Belfast... A thug jumped from the shadows and pointed a gun at him. ""Millie up, ya Croppy shite!"" Said the thug. ""I'll blast yer papist skull!"" ""Bite the back o' me bullocks with that Blarney."" Replied the Irishman. ""I'm no Catholic, ya fookin eejit."" ""Ha!"" Said the thug. ""Good craic! I tricked ya. I knew ya was a gee-bag Orangeman. Time to die, Protty!"" ""Stay a little, ya mingin' muppet!"" Urged the Irishman. ""Begorah, I'm no Protestant either!"…

A man is walking down the street in Belfast one night... ...when he feels someone come up behind him, press a gun into his back, and lead him into an alleyway. ""Alright, then,"" the assailant's voice says, ""Are you Catholic or Protestant?"" Knowing that the wrong choice could be disastrous, the man spits out, ""I'm... I'm Jewish!"" ""Well, if that don't make me the luckiest Muslim in all of Ireland...""

The FBI sends an agent to infiltrate the IRA They know that he has to pass him off as Irish, otherwise they won't accept him. So they send him first to random cities, where he learns the accent, the mannerisms. Few weeks later he starts to learn how to speak Irish. He spends some time in the Gaeltachts (Irish speaking areas) of Galway, Mayo, Kerry. All grand, nobody suspects a thing. It's now time to travel up to Belfast to meet his IRA contact. They meet and he speaks perfect Irish with the per…