An officer routinely waits outside the bar... An officer routinely waits outside the bar in his squad car on the weekends to get an easy catch on the drunk drivers. This particular night on his early patrols he passes a large group of regulars walking into the bar. He makes a mental note to come back and wait. A few hours later the officer pulls into his spot up the street to wait for an obvious drunkard to walk out. After about 30 minutes, the first man of the group to leave barges out the door and stumbles onto the sidewalk. He stops, stares one way up the road, then lazily stares the other way before making a decision on where he left his car. He starts to fumble in his pockets looking for his keys. After a few stubborn attempts to pull them from his pocket, he does so, and promptly drops them to the ground. The office cracks a smile as he watches the man make several passes at leaning down to retrieve his keychain. His buddies, done drinking themselves, walk quietly out the bar, and chuckle as they watch their friend struggling up the street, then head on their way. Finally, the man has his keys, and after a few tries at the lock, is sitting in his car. He spends a few minutes checking his mirrors, checking and double checking his seatbelt as he prepares for the journey home. The man turns the ignition, signals left and pulls into the street with a quick lurch. The officer immediately lights him up and the man pulls over. The officer walks up to the window and asks the man if he's been drinking. The man lets out a long breath, struggling to keep eye contact and blurts out: ""No Occifer....not a single cent...errr, drop."" The officer has him step out of the car and tells him that 'just to be sure', he will need to take a breathalyzer. The man begins to panic as his friends drive by on the way home shaking their heads in shame. The officer has him blow into the machine, and it comes back with a miraculous 0.001. The officer, a little shaken by the number, resets the machine and has him blow again. This time a 0.000! The officer mutters under his breath. ""There must be something wrong with the machine...We'll have to give you a roadside sobriety test, and we'll take you into the office for a BAC."" The man starts to get a slight grin on his face as he begins the test. He passes the test with flying colors, and the officer is getting very upset. ""I saw you barely make it to your car just a minute ago....how are you magically acting sober?!?!"" ""Well you see officer, I haven't been drinking, I'm the *designated decoy*!""