Kevin Smith's new movie looks awful. I think I'd rather watch a movie directed by Southwest Airlines.

Just been reading Delia Smith's recipe for scrambled eggs... Apparently ""they should be soft and fluffy."" No you daft bitch that means they've hatched.

SMITH'S QUESTION... One of our co-worker Mr Smith went missing for a few hours and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found Smith fast asleep. Rather than waking him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest: ""As long as you're asleep, you have a job but as soon as you wake up, you're fired!"" Should Smith wake up or continue sleeping? Drop ur comment fast

Jane Smith John Smith's wife, Jane, was very ill, so John brought her to the hospital, where he left her overnight. He returned the next day to pick her up, and the Doctor approached him. ""Good morning, Doctor. How is Jane?"" The Doctor responded, ""Sir, we had a little mixup last night. There were two women that checked in last night named Jane Smith. One was diagnosed with AIDS and the other with Alzheimer's. We are so sorry. We don't know which disease your wife has."" John is distraught. ""…