Heimlich Maneuver Two hillbillies, Daryl and John, walk into a steakhouse and sit down at the bar. The two order beers. A woman next to them begins coughing hysterically and puts her hands over her neck to show she was choking. Springing into action, Daryl rushed over to the lady in distress. Grabbing the bottom of her dress, he lifts it up and takes a big lick across her ass. The lady's eyes widened, and in surprise coughed up the piece of steak she was choking on. Speechless, she stares at Dar…

A Man Walks Into A Bar He orders a Scotch from the guy behind the bar. The bar man watches him as he drinks it and then the man opens his suit jacket and looks in his inside pocket at something. He says to the bar man, "" Same again...make it a double.."" He quickly downs it and again, he peeks into his pocket in his jacket. This happens three or four times, each time the barman looks at him doing the same thing. By the time he orders his fifth Whisky, the guy serving him drinks is wondering why…

True Scottish Tales I was drinking in a bar in Edinburgh with my new Scottish friend. We were getting all liquored up, having a good time, just chit chatting, one passing tourist and a local. Late in the evening, the Scotsman gets all serious with me, puts his hand on my shoulder and says..""Can I ask you a personal question?"" I said to my new buddy, ""sure, fire away"". And he says.....""If you woke up in the middle of the woods, not knowing where the hell you were and what you were doing ther…

A man walks into a bar with his talking dog... A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders a beer and a light beer for his talking dog. The bartender stairs at him, says ""yeah, right"" and the dog says ""seriously, make it a Bud Light"". The bartender is amazed. Pretty soon the owner has to break the seal and ask the bartender to watch his dog. While he's gone, the bartender hands the dog $5 and tells him to go across the street to Sully's and order a beer... 5 minutes later the owner comes …