Wife has an auto accident So, my wife managed to crash the car again today. When the police showed up, she was all fired up, insisting that the guy she hit was being totally reckless. “He was on his phone! Can you believe it?!” she exclaimed. “And, to make matters worse, he was sitting there, casually sipping on a can of beer!” The officer, trying his best to hold back a smile, took a deep breath, looked her dead in the eye, and said, “Ma’am… he can do whatever he wants… in his own livin…

Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over... Jim's car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, ""Step out of the car"" says the cop, ""I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test."" ""I can't"", Jim responds ""You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack."" ""Alright,"" says the cop, ""then you're going to have to take a blood test."" ""Can't do that either,"" Jim responds, ""I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding…

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, ""Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."" ""No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous,…

There was a man in Ukraine who operated a train for a living. He showed up to work one day extremely drunk and starting hitting people on the tracks, killing a few before he was caught and arrested. State law deemed that death via the electric chair was an acceptable punishment for his deeds. The day he was put to death, they asked him for any last meals. His only request a single banana. They obliged, gave him his banana, and put him on the chair. The chair was activated, and to the executioner…