I threw a parking cone at someone. I am the drunkest person in the United states.

Dear Abby, My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his granddaughters. I know this because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he's telling me he knows I'm a lesbian and my varicose veins and fat behind turns him off. Should I clobbe…

Dear Abby Dear Abby My husband hasn't worked in 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. He's cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand daughters. I know because he brags about it. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and ugly face turn him off! Should I clobber him with my frying …

A few years after he became an ex-President, Bill and Hilary are driving around Arkansas and stop for gas. The guy operating the pump is about their age. When it's done and they're driving away, Hilary chuckles and says ""The guy at the gas station? My mom wanted me to marry him."" Bill gives her a big grin and says ""Can you imagine where you'd be now, if you'd married him instead of me?"" She gives him a cold stare and says ""Yeah, I'd be driving around with an former President of the United S…