A mid 30's guy is grocery shopping, and a 20 something blonde catches his eye. She looks very familiar, but he can't remember where he met her. When they moved closer, she said to him, ""Hi - I think you're the father of one of my children."" The guy freaks out. He says, ""I've only cheated on my wife 3 times - in Vegas 5 years ago, in Orlando 4 years ago, and in Seattle 3 years ago. You look familiar, but I just can't remember. Who are you?"" She says, ""I'm your son's Sunday school teacher.""

The absent minded professor recently moved to a new home. His wife knew that he would forget the new address so she wrote it on a piece of paper and made sure that he would keep it. After 5 minutes of lecturing the professor went to the university, and then, of course, lost the note. So he went back to his old home to see if he could retrace his steps. Luckily he sees a little girl playing jump rope, and he asks ""Excuse me, but do you know where Dr. Brown moved to?"" The girl replies ""It's oka…

A 3rd grade student would always answer ""It depends"" to every question his teacher asked... The teacher got tired of it, so he told the director that he couldn't continue teaching to that student. The director told the teacher to take the next day off because he would give the class the next day. The next day, the director entered the classroom, introduced himself and then started making questions to the student. -""How much it's 2+2?"" -""It depends. If it's horizontal 22, if it's vertical 4.…

A cannibal family had run out of tourists to eat and were forced to turn on each other in order to survive. At a formal family meeting, they decided that the father should be sacrificed first, partly because he was the oldest but also because there was enough meat on him to feed the wife and children for the rest of the week. So they boiled him in a pot and started carving him up. For lunch on the first day, the children ate his ears and cheeks while their mother cooked his tongue. "Whatever you…