The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof

You lied! Santa Claus is NOT real, mom! If "mom" is even your real name... [Neighbor to mom] hi Susan! *kid faints*

14 years ago tonight, a loaf of frozen reindeer shit fell from the sky & struck my father, killing him instantly.

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.