Your Parents divorced because your Dad didn't want to put your talentless paintings on the fridge.

"No mom I DON'T HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 18. "No mom I HAVE a boyfriend!" -lie you tell at 28.

As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"

Looking for a nice, wholesome girl I can bring home to mom. She only dates nice, wholesome girls